Nine months have passed since I last posted here, and it is perhaps representative of the whirlwind of emotions and activity that continue to hurl through this untraveled terrain. I have to admit that this Christmas feels very lonely. As I begin to wade through the memories of every Christmas up until this one, I am left with so many visions of my mother and grandmother. My grief feels compounded when I realize that in the span of less than two years, both of these women are gone. I feel so strange when I consider that this will be the last time I celebrate the holidays with my family as I've come to know it over the last ten months.
I selfishly wish that things had not changed this quickly. I am not selfish enough to wish that my mom were alive again. I know that both she and my gram are in the best possible place. But, God I miss them here. I miss the normalcy that even their anxieties brought this time of year. I've found it so strange that it doesn't feel like Christmas because there is not enough stress.
Grief is such a strange beast--laying dormant for a while, and then jumping out from under the bed--surprising you with both fear and unbelievable sadness.
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